Two Years Ago...

I haven't had a whole lot of time to reflect on the fact that I'm done. My days have been happily filled with friends, phone time, more friend time and the inevitable fro-yo+cupcake trips. Maybe I'm still slightly avoiding the big girl world that awaits me as soon as I walk across the stage tomorrow. Will I feel different after I walk across the stage? probably not. But I do think it's important to acknowledge how I got here.

So a few years ago, I got it in my head that I wanted to go to grad school- for journalism. If you know anything about me- you know that once I have my mind set- I do it, and it's really hard to deter me (you can thank my stubborn dad for that one). It was one of those things- that if I don't do it- I'll probably always regret it. If I didn't do it- it would have turned into one of those nagging thoughts in my mind that won't ever leave me alone. So I did it. I believe that everyone has their own path- sometimes we don't know why we take the direction that we do- in fact, most of the time, we stumble blindly along- yet fully aware that there is a higher being guiding us along. We trust and we let ourselves be guided.

I am also a big believer in doing things that challenge myself. I knew I had to go to grad school- I wanted to- and I did- and I learned SO much. Yes, there were people I encountered along the way who told me I didn't need to go, that I should have jumped right into the workforce. I wavered on my decision sometimes- I second guessed myself, but ultimately, I knew deep down that this is what I had to do. And I don't regret it, and I know more and am smarter because of it. Yes, it was hard work that didn't come without its fair share of character building along the way. But I did it- I did it for myself-and I am proud of that. So please, ignore the people in your lives who might tell you "can't" or "you shouldn't." No- you SHOULD and you CAN do whatever it is you want and you know deep down you need to do.

When I graduated from Baylor in 2008, one of my favorite Spanish professors, Dr. Larson, wrote a facebook note to all of his students. I saved it- and I reflect on it often. It is a reminder of things I have accomplished and things I have yet to learn. Here it is:

We celebrated graduation at Baylor yesterday. I was doing my usual marshalling, and it was my job to put our Masters students in the right order. They were all angels. This was a tough graduation for me because I really like this bunch of graduates. I have worked with many of them since they were freshman, and it's hard to see them go. It's natural that it is now time to move on, but many of them have become my friends, and now they are gone. This is the normal process of life: the children grow up, mature, and move on. This is the way things have been since the beginning of time, but it doesn't make it any easier. I will still miss them. I wish them all the best. I know I can't protect them from the hurts of the world: the broken hearts, the broken bones, the worries, the disappointments, the broken dreams, fear, envy, shame. My focus has always been, however, to give them art and something they can take with them so that when the bad things happen, they can always look back and have a memory, a poem, a story that might help assuage whatever is troubling them. I taught them Spanish, but I hope I also taught them to think. Maybe life will be a little easier if they can do that. Good bye, so long, and farewell but remember that the door is always open. Here's to seeing you back here again soon sometime...
Salinas says it so much better:

Perdóname por ir así buscándote
tan torpemente, dentro
de ti.
Perdóname el dolor alguna vez.
Es que quiero sacar
de ti tu mejor tú.
Ese que no te viste y que yo veo,
nadador por tu fondo, preciosísimo.
Y cogerlo
y tenerlo yo en lo alto como tiene
el árbol la luz última
que le ha encontrado al sol.
Y entonces tú
en su busca vendrías, a lo alto.
Para llegar a él
subida sobre ti, como te quiero,
tocando ya tan sólo a tu pasado
con las puntas rosadas de tus pies,
en tensión todo el cuerpo, ya ascendiendo
de ti a ti misma.
Y que a mi amor entonces le conteste
la nueva criatura que tú eres.

Pedro Salinas