On Responsibilities...

I have come to the conclusion that being a "grown-up" isn't all it's cracked up to be. I guess you could say I'm stuck in this really weird limbo right now. I'm still in grad school, but I can taste the freedom. I dream about it at night, think about it during the day and think about it some more in the shower, or when I'm working out. Fact is, I'm not there quite yet. And until I am fully employed and out of school, I have to be responsible. I've never thought of myself as irresponsible- maybe a little impulsive, but never blatantly irresponsible. I guess I've just been antsy lately, because I'm so on the brink entering this new phase of my life.

There is only ONE thing in the world that I want right now- just ONE. I would do ANYTHING to have this:

Who wouldn't want one? I've been waiting six long years for this. I was fine when I lived in California and had 24/7 access to my black lab at home. But the longer I'm gone, the more I want one of my own. Unfortunately, here is where the responsible, rational side of me is hindering my plans. Since I raised guide dogs for the blind- I know how much work a puppy can be- I also know that I tend to keep my plate pretty full. Those two things don't equate to a happy lifestyle for a brand new puppy. Not right now at least. So, I have been considering purchasing a golden retriever upon graduation- a little gift to myself, but again, I just can't do it. Not yet at least. I need to know that I will have the time to take care of it, and I won't know that until I get a job. Until then... I just have to wait impatiently patiently. *sigh*

The next part of my frustration stems from not exactly having a clear idea of my future. By nature, I am a planner. I am organized and know what is going to happen next. I am a list-maker, and I stick by that list. This whole- waiting to find a job thing- is REALLY cramping my style. It's a game, and you have to play your cards right. I would love to just know where my life will be four months from now. I have things I need to do- get a new apartment, get the aforementioned dog, go on vacation...

Well, the whole vacation thing- is what has me really frustrated. I have had not one, not two, but three vacations offered to me this summer- and I have had to turn ALL of them down. Why you ask? Well you see, I can't exactly tell my future employer that I will need to take several weeks off work right away to go play in Florida or Europe. It might make the difference between me getting the job- or not. And in this economy, I just don't think it's wise to tell a future employer that I can't start when he wants me to start, because I NEED to go on a vacation. Frustrating? Absolutely... Part of being a responsible adult? unfortunately YES.


So, while I would love to be vacationing here:

I acknowledge that since I have worked really hard, for a really long time- what is another couple of months before I make it to the beach? When you care about something (and I plan on caring A LOT about my career), you make sacrifices- you make it work. So yes, I'm disappointed that I can't have everything that I want, but what really matters is my career; it's what I've been waiting for my whole life.

The dog can wait, the new apartment can wait and the vacations can wait...

"May the dreams of your past be the reality of your future"